Relationships

At what point in a relationship should you start having sex?

You should have sex only when you feel ready for it. Sex is more than just physical satisfaction; it has an emotional effect too. Enjoying sex safely relies on you trusting each other and wanting to satisfy each other. If one of you isn’t sure, it could make the experience a bad one.

Talk to your partner about it, as they may not feel ready either. By telling them how you feel, you can make the decision together when you both feel ready.

Starting to have sex is a big decision, and it's easy to let the media, your friends or even your partner make you feel that you should be having sex but actually you should only do it when you feel totally comfortable about it. For some people this may mean being in a relationship for a long time before they feel that the time is right for sex.

You don’t have to have sex to have a good time together. Kissing and touching can be a lot of fun and are all part of sex.

Once you’ve started having sex, you don’t have to have sex in every relationship. It is still your choice, no matter how many times you have had sex before.

Make sure you’re prepared when you start having sex, visit the HYPe+ clinic or your local family planning clinic to make sure you have contraception (to prevent pregnancy and infections) BEFORE you start having sex.

“My boyfriend says he will leave me if I don't have sex with him. What do I do?”

Being in love means respecting each other and not doing things that make the person you are in love with feel uncomfortable. Do you really want to be with someone who pushes you into things?

So if your boyfriend is trying to push you into having sex does this show you that he has your best interests at heart?

You shouldn't let anyone pressurise you into doing something you don't want to do and if he loves you he will understand that.

Talk to him about how you feel, and let him know that you do love him, but don’t need to have sex to prove it. It’s better to have no boyfriend than someone who doesn’t care about what is important to you.

Should I be worried if I'm 15 and still a virgin?

There can be a lot of pressure when you are a teenager to have a girlfriend or boyfriend. It can be really hard if all of your friends are going out with someone and you aren’t. But it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. The same goes for having sex.

Despite what your friends might say the average age for first time sex is 17 which means that whilst some people do have sex before that age there are some that wait until they are even older.

There is definitely no need to worry about being a virgin at 15 because most people still are.

Having sex before you are emotionally ready for it may cause problems when you meet someone you really do want to have sex with, so wait until you are sure about it.

Would my boyfriend get into trouble if we had sex? I'm 14 and he's 18?

At 14 you are under the age of consent. This means that in the eyes of the law you are technically too young to make an informed decision about whether you want to have sex or not.

The age when you are legally able to make a decision about having sex is 16. This also applies to same sex couples. As your boyfriend is 18 he is an adult and would therefore be breaking the law if he started to have sex with you.

However, the law is in place to make sure young people are not exploited or abused, so if both partners have consented and there is not a large age difference or evidence of abuse, prosecutions are rare. In fact, it is best to seek confidential advice from health care professionals (at sexual health clinics) to advise you how to have sex safely, such as using contraception to prevent pregnancy and condoms to prevent infection. If you are being sensible about your sexual health, are in a relationship with someone close to your age and who cares about you and there is no concern about your well-being, health care professionals will support you to have sex safely and healthily. They may help you to work out for yourself whether you really are ready for sex or not.

My girlfriend's past sex life makes me feel bad.

More often than not people have more than one sexual partner before settling down with someone. You cant change what’s happened in the past, but what is important is that she has chosen to be with you now. In fact you could say that choosing you after one or more previous partners makes you that much more special so you should put your energy into enjoying what you have now rather than dwelling on the past.

If you are worried because your girlfriend has had a bad experience of sex before, you can support her by listening and by making sure you only have sex when you are both ready. People who have had negative experiences in the past can find sex difficult, even if they are in a loving relationship. You can make it easier for her by making sure you are there to support her and listen

With people who have had previous sexual partners there may be concern about sexual transmitted infections so it is usually a good idea for both partners to get checked out before entering into a very intimate relationship. You can get checked at Whittall Street clinic or the Streetwise clinic.

I'm confused because my boyfriend made me have sex with him.

Even if you are both in love it is not acceptable to force someone to do something they don't want to do. If you really love someone, you respect their wishes and accept when they say ‘no’ to something. By disrespecting you, your boyfriend has shown that he doesn’t care about your feelings. It is important to ask yourself if this is this a relationship you want to be involved in?

Forcing someone to have sex when they don’t want to can be classed as rape or sexual abuse.

If you feel that this has happened to you, and you want to talk further about it with someone, you can come to the HYPe+ clinic and talk to one of our health advisers, or use one of our helplines.

If you have any more questions about relationships then have a look at the 'He Says,You Say' website